- Pitch Notes
- Archive
- Page 7
Archive
Bros Before Hoes 🤝
Milan face Inter in the first fixture of their UCL semi-final matchup and for the fourth time in 22-23, UEFA aiming to be more fair to lower-ranked leagues with surplus UCL funds, Messi’s camp denies Al Hilal signing rumors, Harry Kane admits standards have slipped, PSG ultras to meet with club management, Barca and Madrid eyeing U.S. summer Clasico, All you need to know for the EFL Playoffs, Liverpool request to start 23-24 season away from Anfield, Wolves charged by FA, and bros before hoes because you know how it goes.
Crystal Palace Sugar Daddy 🤥
Real Madrid face Man City in first leg of Champions League semis, Lyon president steps down after 36 years, Messi’s suspension lifted, Premier League to make VAR audio available, Marsch and Armas strong candidates for USMNT job, Sampdoria and Leeds have relegation plans, PSG interested in Mourinho, Sunderland leap frogs Millwall on dramatic final day, and the owner of Crystal Palace and Botafogo got impersonated on social media as a sugar daddy in a crypto scam.
Scudetto Mob Hit 🤌 🇮🇹
Celtic win the Premiership, Wigan players considering striking for last game, Liverpool in talks with new sporting director, MLS set to announce a new franchise soon, Sky Sports and EFL agree to groundbreaking new deal, UEFA announces new safety measures for UCL finals, Serie A predictions for top 4, Kompany signs contract extension with Burnley, and the son of a mafia boss got whacked during Napoli’s Scudetto celebrations.
Mourinho The Informant 🥸
Napoli officially claim the Scudetto after a 33-year wait and spark street party, PSG increasing security for stars Messi and Neymar amid fan protests, Record sackings in the PL league this year, FA hires new diversity chief, Mourinho admits to wearing a wire, Bundesliga title predictions, the Irish market, City Football Group buys another club, and if you want to play Messi and Argentina in a friendly prepare to pay up.
May the 4th Be With You
Flip flop City’s back atop, and with it Haaland nets his 35th Premier League goal to set the record for goals in a season, Bayern’s a mess, Aston Villa’s making moves, Boehly speaks on Chelsea plans and desire to win, Xabi Alonso emerges as a frontrunner for Spurs job, the Top 50 most valuable clubs in the world, 3 footballers top the Forbes highest paid athlete list, and since Haaland is clearly a Jedi we would be remiss if we didn’t say May the 4th be with you!
Haaland Farted 💨
Messi suspended two weeks by PSG for Saudi trip, Barcelona exploring options in case of Champions League ban, FIFA warns WWC won’t be televised in Europe, Roma not up for sale despite Saudi interest, Klopp charged by FA, Newcastle make more bank, Castore signs more teams, Zidane won’t return to Madrid, Arsenal fans point lasers at Chelsea player, and Haaland’s a stinker 💨 🤣
Sex & Football 💋 ⚽️
Ex-NFL Star JJ Watt and wife Kealia invest in Burnley, Roma in talks with Saudi group about sale, Bayern going on tour in Asia this summer, LaLiga president seems to condone losing a Champions League spot, Liga MX review, Slot rivaling Nagelsmann for Spurs job, Sky Sports commentator under fire, a chainsaw-wielding fan is arrested, and are sex and football a good combination?
Fan Horseplay 👮 🐴
Bayern gets raided by the German feds, Everton fans want chairman removed, FIFA partially accept Paratici appeal, Man United and Arsenal to play a summer friendly in the US, WSL closed league debate, Inter and Roma drop sponsor Digitalbits, a Napoli supporter gets stabbed (but is ok), and a West Ham fan gets taken out by a horse.
Isak and the Incredibles
Newcastle’s fine form continues, Man United’s final bids due today, nearly half of the candidates fail FIFA’s new player-agent test, FA propose new system to allow for more foreign player signings, Premier League urged to revisit Newcastle takeover, Ligue 1’s Angers handed transfer ban by FIFA, Sheffield United takeover may collapse and they can’t afford players promotion bonuses, ‘Pele’ added as word to Brazilian dictionary, and Haaland's hairdo is on the Bournemouth logo.
Alibaba Coaching Badges 📛 👀
Man City land title blow to current leaders Arsenal with dominating win, Haaland sets the Premier League goals record, Man United bidder Sir Ratcliffe's latest bid allows Glazers to keep stake, Sheffield United wins promotion to PL, UEFA wants a salary cap, Italian FA trialing new offsides rule, ECA player-release stance causing WWC issues, Wrexhams owners recruiting Gareth Bale, Argentina is going to Miami, and Lampard bought his coaching badges from Alibaba 🤣
"Nobody in the world understands when there's handball or not"
Big game day today...with the Man City/Arsenal match potentially having a major role in how the PL shakes out, Spurs players plan to refund supporters who traveled to Newcastle thrashing, Handball rule under scrutiny by UEFA board, Brightons transfer strategy is the envy of the PL, Pochettino in advanced talks for Chelsea job, and a ref got kicked in the crotch.
A Giant Pele Doll...
Tottenham sack Stellini, US soccer has a new sporting director, Real Madrid replacing pitch for fifth time this season, 777 Partners circling around Everton, Arsenal women’s plane catches fire on runway, Barcelona secures stadium financing, a potential new LaLiga logo leaks, an interview with ChatGPT on the future of football business, and a giant Pele doll with a hand for a penis leaves fans freaked out in Brazil.