- Pitch Notes
- Authors
- Joe Mecca
Joe Mecca
Bros Before Hoes 🤝
Milan face Inter in the first fixture of their UCL semi-final matchup and for the fourth time in 22-23, UEFA aiming to be more fair to lower-ranked leagues with surplus UCL funds, Messi’s camp denies Al Hilal signing rumors, Harry Kane admits standards have slipped, PSG ultras to meet with club management, Barca and Madrid eyeing U.S. summer Clasico, All you need to know for the EFL Playoffs, Liverpool request to start 23-24 season away from Anfield, Wolves charged by FA, and bros before hoes because you know how it goes.
Sex & Football 💋 ⚽️
Ex-NFL Star JJ Watt and wife Kealia invest in Burnley, Roma in talks with Saudi group about sale, Bayern going on tour in Asia this summer, LaLiga president seems to condone losing a Champions League spot, Liga MX review, Slot rivaling Nagelsmann for Spurs job, Sky Sports commentator under fire, a chainsaw-wielding fan is arrested, and are sex and football a good combination?
Fan Horseplay 👮 🐴
Bayern gets raided by the German feds, Everton fans want chairman removed, FIFA partially accept Paratici appeal, Man United and Arsenal to play a summer friendly in the US, WSL closed league debate, Inter and Roma drop sponsor Digitalbits, a Napoli supporter gets stabbed (but is ok), and a West Ham fan gets taken out by a horse.
Isak and the Incredibles
Newcastle’s fine form continues, Man United’s final bids due today, nearly half of the candidates fail FIFA’s new player-agent test, FA propose new system to allow for more foreign player signings, Premier League urged to revisit Newcastle takeover, Ligue 1’s Angers handed transfer ban by FIFA, Sheffield United takeover may collapse and they can’t afford players promotion bonuses, ‘Pele’ added as word to Brazilian dictionary, and Haaland's hairdo is on the Bournemouth logo.
Alibaba Coaching Badges 📛 👀
Man City land title blow to current leaders Arsenal with dominating win, Haaland sets the Premier League goals record, Man United bidder Sir Ratcliffe's latest bid allows Glazers to keep stake, Sheffield United wins promotion to PL, UEFA wants a salary cap, Italian FA trialing new offsides rule, ECA player-release stance causing WWC issues, Wrexhams owners recruiting Gareth Bale, Argentina is going to Miami, and Lampard bought his coaching badges from Alibaba 🤣
"Nobody in the world understands when there's handball or not"
Big game day today...with the Man City/Arsenal match potentially having a major role in how the PL shakes out, Spurs players plan to refund supporters who traveled to Newcastle thrashing, Handball rule under scrutiny by UEFA board, Brightons transfer strategy is the envy of the PL, Pochettino in advanced talks for Chelsea job, and a ref got kicked in the crotch.
A Giant Pele Doll...
Tottenham sack Stellini, US soccer has a new sporting director, Real Madrid replacing pitch for fifth time this season, 777 Partners circling around Everton, Arsenal women’s plane catches fire on runway, Barcelona secures stadium financing, a potential new LaLiga logo leaks, an interview with ChatGPT on the future of football business, and a giant Pele doll with a hand for a penis leaves fans freaked out in Brazil.
A Pidgeon Standing on a Football
Lukaku’s Coppa Italia ban dropped in stand against racism, UEFA urged to increase payments to non-elite European clubs, Agents looking to cash in this summer before new FIFA commissions regulations kick in, Wrexham earn promotion back to EFL, PSG confirm record losses for 21/22 season, Nagelsmann, Zidane, Pochettino, Alonso all on the coaching carousel, and West Ham hold France’s UEFA ranking in their hands.
Football Shirt Friday
It’s Football Shirt Friday, Man United crashes out of the Europa League, U.S., Mexico announce joint 2027 WWC bid, Bayern CEO set to be sacked, UEFA reject Madrid’s CL semi-finals request, Juventus back into top 4 of Serie A, Newcastle’s owners might buy another club, and Chelsea will play Wrexham in the U.S this summer since no one wants to watch them at home.
UpaMaguire 😭 💀
Juventus likely to get 15 points back for time being, Tottenham and Brighton hit with big fines, Eight to stand trial in Maradona’s death, VAR in Premier League improving, LaLiga want refs to take a paycut, Chelsea in panic mode, Messi’s complicated return to Barcelona, Haaland already getting a new deal, City and United defend their badges, and a woman calls in a bomb threat to stop her partner from going to a match.